Today, I thought about what I was like a year ago.
Last year, I was entering my last school year of MCC. I was entering my last year of high school.
I was tired of the same routine. I was tired of having to take another math class, and another history class. I wanted more of a challenge...the next semester, everything changed. My philosophy changed; I pushed to better myself day by day, I read the Bible with an entirely new fervor, and I yearned for knowledge more than I've ever wanted it before. I became who I knew myself to be. The beginning of senior year hurt and broke me until I had no clue who I was anymore, but after the daily pity-parties and personal beating, I grew into who I am today. I suppose we all have to go through some identity crisis in our teenage years. I always assumed I wouldn't have to go through it; I always assumed I was too smart to be caught in the cliche teen "Who am I? Why am I here?" trap.
I was broken...but then I was pieced back together, into a new person. I was unravelled; like an object made entirely of yarn, being slowly and painfully unravelled. Today, I am woven and am being continually woven into a new object -- into a new being. I strive to better myself. I study to not just gain knowledge, but to reap wisdom. My prayer is that I forget myself entirely --
I am nothing -- and that nothing stops me from racing after God with everything I have within me --
Thou art all. Right now, all I want is to become who I am meant to be.
"Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds." Hosea 6.1
Yellow is the hardest color to photograph. This makes my painting look painfully yellow...urgh. Without photoshop, I can't make it look any better. It looks amazingly better in person.
Everything is waning to a close. This daily sketchblog won't be in much use during this next semester...hopefully I'll have time to sketch and paint my heart onto canvas, but I'm not too sure. Honestly, I'm nervous about my schedule, and how much studying I'm going to have to be doing. I'm anxious that it will be too shocking from my slow summer schedule...but what are worries but annoyances of the mind.? Worrying is meaningless. That's why I'm doing as much art as I can before school starts in about a week. I've found a fascination for drawing and painting portraits...
Today, I thought about what I was like a year ago.
Funny story...I spent most of my day trying to find the best lighting in my room to paint by. I spent hours adjusting the easel. I spent an hour or two struggling with the stupid mirror. I then spent two-three hours painting my self-portrait.
