April 30

Inspiration has been lacking a lot lately...well, just today. I have ideas in my mind, but the difficult part is putting them on paper. I can close my eyes and picture it perfectly; then, when I think I've got it, I have nothing. :\ It's frustrating...

I want to put a few ideas in painted form...big time. But I still need to study the colors needed for that, and I still need to sketch it out...ughh. I want to paint but my brain won't let anything come out. Artist block sucks. My hair looks frizzy and 80s-esque. My room is a mess, and that depresses me. I walked across campus in early afternoon sun and was immediately zapped. I have no strength at all now. Tomorrow is going to be so sluggish...I broke my last sunbrella, too...okay, I'm done complaining.

sigh. :(

April 29

This is my favorite personal painting I've done...ever. I will never ever let it go. To others, it is simply a painting of a dead, off-white rose sitting on a plain dark gray background. This painting fascinates me like nothing else I've painted ever has. I stare at it every morning as I wake up; it's so comforting. It's like a glimpse of a happy past memory that stretches forward to the present time to give me a small breath of comfort. I'm sorry the picture does the painting no justice at all. I painted it with so much black and gray that my camera gets very confused...

April 28

lost.

It's hard watching a friend struggle and suffocate...because all you can do is watch.

April 27

My eyes will never see happiness again.

My personal interpretation is this: this drawing symbolizes no hope. Earlier in Job it reads, "my eyes will never see happiness again." A life without faith and hope is meaningless and empty...I know that hope hurts a lot, but so does everything else. The truth hurts. Love hurts. Even happiness can hurt. Roses have thorns. Everything and everyone is tainted and full of extraordinary power to hurt...except for God. Open your eyes, O sleepers, and look at the sky. Though it rages and boils with a storm now, have faith and hope that there is a sky above it...there is a sky. This kind of hope never hurts, because it's from God.

April 26

I <3 skulls.

Your heart, it palpitates and spins. Your organs sing and dance within... (This song will absolutely not get out of my head)

April 25

The open water is my only fear, but I'll sail as long as I still have breath. The open water is an awful thing,but I'm anxious 'till the anchor rests.

Watercolor, sharpie, wax resist. :) It's actually candle wax...and the canvas smells like Sugar Vanilla.

I like looking at this.It's so serene and melancholy...my kind of art. :)

April 24

If I tried, I could have made this sketch much more realistic and proportional. But I'm more of a sketchy/messy artist than anything, and drawing like this makes me happy. :)

April 23

and through it all we rise when we fall;
though the road grows more narrow before me
though we ache though we cry
never break, never die.
The one truth there is sets us free.

Today, I celebrate a great achievement. :) My sketchbook is officially filled! This drawing is gracing the last page of my 5x5" friend....and that means I need to go shopping for another trusty everyday sketchbook.
...I'll probably end up buying the exact same one. I like square pages a lot.

April 22

How did I get a day ahead of myself? Weeeiiiird.

This was lots of fun to sketch. It was awesome to let my hand move the pencil around aimlessly, and I'm oddly proud of it. The lines haven't been overanalyzed but rather, they're messy and simplistic. Nothing is concrete, except her eyes and lips.

I like it a lot. :)

April 21

I need help. :( I can't decide which phrases I want to keep on this drawing...the first picture reads "I will stand and fight to justify you\You have bled and died to justify me" the second: "Trapped behind my state of mind\I took your words, and now I'm blind" the third: "We want the truth.\We want justice." The first two are from Demon Hunter songs and the last is loosely from Thrice.

I sort of want to find a nifty scripture verse instead...and I'm still deciding what I like best. Give me feedback; tell me which is your favorite and if you have any lyrics/verses/quotes to suggest I would be utterly grateful. :) :)

April 20

Deception wears her veil. Her charm is fleeting -- her love just will not last. -Norma Jean

April 19

"You can't hide your insecurities with a pretty face." - Dead Poetic

I haven't updated in a few days....inspiration has been hard to grasp lately. I think I just need to find a spot where no one is around and just let the open space find me and calm me. I used to take walks outside all the time, but now I've grown so tired of seeing people surround me constantly. I need a place open and free of crowds...or I just need to suck it up and forget about the people around me.

April 15

Matt.12.34
This is one of my favorite quotes ever.
I'm currently obsessed with these art pieces. It's like I'm expressing my love for quotes and lyrics and my love for drawing faces in pen and marker. :D
The original is standing right next to my computer, and I just realized that the digital copy of the drawing makes her look retarded.

April 14

Yeaahh...nuf said.

April 13

I went outside and painted. :) I went into this courtyard and really liked how this tree was growing up besides the wall, casting its shadow on the red brick.

It took 10 minutes to paint. I think I got the general light/shadow contrast down pretty well...so I'm happy with it. :D

April 12

Wha-pow. The Season's Garbs.

Today, my little family and I are going to our land to eat outside and enjoy Easter day. I'm bringing along my thumb easel so I can plein air. :)

My project right now is bookmarks! :D So far, I've re-drawn bookmarks from (Umbrella), (Music), (Poured Out), and (Heart Rain). I'm having oodles of fun.

April 11

One sister hides the love she has deep within herself. Eventually, it will corrode and leave her empty. The other sister lets the love she has flourish out in the open and, in turn, she herself flourishes.

"Love isn't love that isn't given away."-Unknown

April 10

Autumn. Still fresh on the easel. :)
I used to dream that I could fly.

"He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with all its regulations, that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross."

Book of Colossions=my fave.

April 9

The batteries on my camera are completely depleted. If I were intent upon my purpose, I would drag my carcass into the bathroom and take the batteries from my toothbrush so I could put them in my camera.
...yeah, I'm a lazy bum. But here's an update:
I painted Autumn today. It looks boss. That's all you need to know. Winter will come soon. I should've painted that one today, too, but the sun has depleted my energy yet again (curses on you sunlight) and so I've been horribly drousy all day.

April 8

Spring & Summer. Their sisters Autumn and Winter will join them shortly. :) I'll also paint in a small, solitary oak tree on each hill. It's sort of like this: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=761596&id=27440508467 except cooler. :D Because those paintings in the link were painted more than a year ago, and I was still using acrylics back then. SHAME. I was such an amateur. Not to say now I'm not. I've just...well, personally, I think I've gotten better. :\

Spring is inspired by the rain showers in the Netherlands. :] I'm homesick for Maastricht's clean, wet scent after it rains. All the cobblestoned streets turn a dark charcoal (my favorite color :D) and everyone pulls on their black coats and umbrellas. I'm so homesick. :'(

April 7

>:(
>:(
>:(
...It looks so much better in person.
I need more practice with abstraction. It's fun to paint, but hard to pull through...

There will be no more color. Broken, I stand here: a new creation on the stage of history where map and compass mean nothing at all. (Norma Jean)

April 6

I got a big piece of foam board and drew a little 7x9" rendition of my heart-rain girl idea. :) It looks good with a simple folding holding-thingy. Ughh...my words are not working right now. Obviously.

I have a lot of ideas flitting through my head. So far I've managed to organize them. But now, the hard part is grabbing them and smushing them into visual concepts...hrmm. They'll be put on small canvas so I can hopefully sell them on my Etsy account. Ohhh, have you not heard...? ;P Click here: http://www.nowwearefree.etsy.com to see my online shop. Maybe I won't have to get a job if my art is sold. !! :D Uhm, if you can't tell, I really am excited about this online selling-thing. I'm praying it doesn't bomb and I'm praying I don't end up looking pathetic if nothing sells. D:

April 5

I tried to sketch in Nicolai Fechin's style, but to no avail. He used very fine vine charcoal, with a holder so he wouldn't smear what he was drawing. His drawings and sketches are amazing.

April 4

Please don't tell me it's depressing and eery. I'm not obsessed with death...not in the common sense of the idea at least. But I'm not going to waste my time writing out something to be read by a carefree crowd. Ask me about my philosophy and I will gladly tell you. A lot of people misunderstand what I try to say by drawing things like this, and I love a good opportunity to explain myself. Please don't judge my philosophy and my thinking just by the subjects I draw.

April 3

I was thinking over what my life was like just a few short months ago...it wasn't fun. It wasn't real. And now I'm going to be absolutely honest...because this is what art is. I believe that art that is truly inspired by the heart can reach out to others in ways words can't. But I digress...this sketch is - simply and bluntly - about losing faith. I felt like I had laid myself down in a river of apathy, trying to control roller coaster emotions and thoughts. I admit; sometimes I find myself in that river again struggling to breathe. But I struggle instead of letting the black waters take me to where I don't belong. Months and months ago I would sit outside for hours, contemplating my faith. I would tell God I loved Him, but then I would stop and ask myself if I really did. One of my major pet peeves is hypocrisy; the last thing I wanted to be was a hypocrite Christian. I doubted everything I believed in, so I could sort the dust from the pearls. It was difficult work, and it hurt a lot, but I have the pearls. The dust is swept away, and the scales have fallen from my eyes.
I am at peace.

April 2

...I like to draw hearts. And it was the only idea I could catch and force onto paper today.

"Love in the open hand: no thing but that
Ungemmed, unhidden, wishing not to hurt
As one should bring you cowslips in a hat
Swung from the hand, or apples in her skirt,
I call to you, crying out as children do,
'Look what I have! And these are all for you.'" -Edna St. Vincent Millay

Too bad it was written by a bisexual...ouch.
I think love should be depicted as gray and purple. Not pink and red. :D

April 1

I'm not brilliant enough to play some witty April Fools' joke.

I don't normally doodle in church, but when inspiration strikes, who am I to deny artistic flow? I've been in a slight rut lately, so this was really good to get out onto paper. It's hard to see (stupid camera and ballpoint pen), but it's the faceless woman lying face-up with a crack running across her face. Her hair is flung out around her, and she is in the midst of her own darkness. I'm planning on turning this large-scale with intricate cracks running across her face. She will look like she's floating in a deep, dark river with her long hair fanning around her.

"I remember you when you were wrapped in darkness." -Showbread (surprise surprise...)

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst." 1Timothy 1:15

"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" [this is from the Bible, but I can't remember where. I wrote it on my arm.]